Lots of Weirdos

   Tonight's Sunday night shift included quite a colorful list of characters even for a night of taxi driving in NYC and thus I think tonight is blog worthy. Tonight was a typical weekend summer night in New York City – relatively speaking, quiet. Its so odd because I personally think summer in the city is one of the best times of year since it is pleasant enough to be outside in shorts all the time even at night. Summer is so much funner! Of course, many Manhattan residents head to the Hamptons or else god knows where, perhaps they go to their true homes or the Poconos or the Berkshires or something. As I've stated before on this blog, the people left in Manhattan at this time are what I characterize as leftovers, financially. A bit harsh but this is how it is, our business slows down a bit in the summer. The “leftovers” are walkers, tourists from the US or abroad, kids, and people who aren't in the Hamptons crowd. The afternoon was slow and as I drove I was scrounging for every lone hailer I could get, competing with other hungry cabbies. Tonight's shift is an example of how a driver gets a short story about everyone's life who enters your taxi. Given my inquisitive nature, I prefer to ask a few questions about those who enter my cab just to get a sense of who they are, so herein lies the list. The afternoon started with a girl headed to Penn Station from the LES, ride uneventful. This was followed by a very beautiful girl in a halter top going only a few blocks. I had stopped in front of her even though she was not hailing me inquiring whether she wanted to ride - she only rode a few blocks – maybe she didn’t need a ride after all. After this I rode around for about 25 minutes without a fare, this is a time where you begin to sweat because we need to get those bills paid. Next up, something CRAZY happened. I found a gray-haired 40-ish man wearing sneakers and athletic clothes and carrying a backpack at 7^{th Avenue} and 20^th headed south. He was probably a gay man but he looked and acted heterosexual - you know, don't ask, don't tell. The ride was conversation free. We get in and we ride to 12^th Street and Broadway near NYU. Neither one of us said anything. This was where the fun began. He feels his pocket, then he says oh woops I think I forgot my wallet “shit,” “f*ck” he says. Then he suggests we go back and get it. After this I ask him if he's got money in his apartment. He says, yes. At this point I want to make sure this man doesn't waste my time because the point of cab driving is to make that moula. So then he assures me that he does and he does seem like a legitimate guy. So around we go back across 11^th Street then across 13^th, then Greenwich Avenue, to 8^th Avenue and then we take a right on 20^th Street back in Chelsea. Cutting down 20^th we pass a police precinct. Then we pull upto a building and I park across the street on the left side. He then proceeds to leave his bag in the back while he goes back in. I ask him to just tell me if he cant find his wallet there. Here is where more craziness happens. I hang out for a few minutes. I surf my Blackberry while I wait and I feel a bit sorry for this guy's misfortune. Next I see him come bolting out of his old building's door. Unfortunately as he was running across 20^th Street another cab comes down the street and oops, the guy hits the front of the other cabs hood, then he bounces back, and makes a step back. The other cabbie jams on the breaks, and waits for him to back up. Now the other cab speeds up and moves on by and my passenger comes over to the other side. OOPS! Narrow miss on that one. Next up he gets in the cab and the poor man says “I couldn’t find it so I had to ask my doorman for some money” he said nervously. “Oh, ok.” Now I was eager to get this ride over with and get on with the next. At least he will not be ripping me off. He then proceeds to check his backpack. Poor man, now he tells me that his wallet is inside his backpack and its been there the whole time! Now he begins screaming expletives, “oh sh*t, oh f*ck! As we ride, he continues to curse at himself. Poor man. I smirked and I knew this would be a funny one for my readers I don't think I could make up something like this if I tried. At the end of the ride he pays me $14 and leaves. I just sit there and accept his money. This is not the first time something like this has happened – several people have left their money and have had to have friends pay for them or else have just left. On the other side of this, many people leave small items in the car. Later on that shift a man left a pair of cheap sunglasses in my car. By the time I saw them he was already inside his building with his friends so I just decided to take them. After this I picked up a few more forgettables. ....

     Now for the next WEIRDO.... I was headed down 5^th Avenue and at 58^th Street I had a 40ish man hail me from the left side. I pulled over and we chat about where he is going. He just wants to go about 7 blocks and pick up some chairs from a store. He said that would be a very kind of me to help him. From his accent I could tell he was not a New Yorker, he was from Florida, he sounded southern to me (just like myself) and seemed affluent. He told me that he was a life coach and a motivational speaker. He had a very relaxed voice and was very easygoing. He told me that he needed to take these chairs to the Saint Regis Hotel on 55^th and 5^th Avenue. He stated that he was in town for work for a few months. I knew from where he was headed he was probably doing extremely well financially. He discussed his travels and also the fact that he carried his bible with him on his travels. His voice reminded me of the Christian reverends I used to listen to on TV Sunday morning. Next he had a phone conversation about an event that he was having later that night with some Sheik or someone it seemed who was of vast importance. I suspect this was one of his life coach clients. He told me about his job as a life coach and motivational speaker - a job I found to be very hokey but I found interesting anyway. Despite his relaxed voice, something about him made me uncomfortable. Next, we talked about how several people had left items in the cab and I mentioned to him about the guy earlier in the day who had lost his wallet inside his book-bag. He told me a bizarre story about having his baggage at an airport stolen and then later finding his baggage sitting in the airport as the thief had abandoned it – and the airport police had thought it was a bomb. This conversation was then interjected by a mistake I made behind the wheel – I failed to get into the left turning lane at Park and 57^th there was a huge traffic jam during this ride, on top of this a cop pulled right behind me. I knew he'd nail me if I made a left from the right lane so I went straight, I'd have to loop around to go down Park to get to Madison and 55^th Street. I went straight and unfortunately, the cop buzzed me, and pulled up alongside. “He rolled down the window and asked me what I was doing making a left turn from the right lane?” I told him there's a lot of traffic right here today, and huh I'll have to make a loop around and go upto Madison then make a right.” With this he gave me a smug look then rolled up his window and went on his way. Gotta be on the lookout for cops. Mr. Life Coach was none too concerned. He then asked me to pull over at Madison and 57^th Street. Then he told me that I was doing well for other people by helping them find their stuff he sounded very sincere and thankful. But something just made me uncomfortable about this man – I suspect he was one of these religious homosexual types who does not admit that he's a homosexual. His level of interest in me just seemed a bit odd as if it were of a sexual nature. He gave me a large tip for helping with his chairs and I went on my way, glad to be rid of this WEIRDO. Later on, I navigated my way through what seemed like a bit heavy traffic for a Sunday afternoon in summertime near the Queensboro Bridge headed back south....

    Later on I found myself in the Tribeca area, on West Broadway and just above Canal and picked up another notable fare. I saw a Latin-looking man hailing me from across West Broadway near Broome Street in front of a bar. On his shirt it said “volunteers needed for university sex experiments.” He had a good, cool vibe about him. He looked at me and he waved me off so I started wondering what was going on. I looked again then a blonde girl with him comes over. Now I wave them in since it was slow I wasn't going to let them get away with changing their minds about getting into my cab. The blonde girl comes over and smiles at me and so does the ethnic man and also another brown-haired white young lady. They all get in and we put the brown-haired girls suitcase in the back. Something just struck me about this group. As we drove north the blonde girl and the Hispanic male started to make out. This was interjected by some broken conversation between each other, me, and the brown-haired girl. Both girls were super cute. I had caught their eyes in my rear view mirror and I could see them smiling at me. I could tell they were a bit intoxicated. When we arrived at 8^th Avenue and 14^{th Street}, I exited the car and helped the brown-haired girl with her bag and she gave me a flirtatious grin, then I looked her over. She went on her way. After this, I drove the Hispanic man and his girl upto 17^th and 9^th. They seemed primed for a hookup - who knows how they met. A little flirtation is always fun.... The sun began to set on Gotham. After this fun group, I picked up another similar group of drunks but these girls weren't as friendly and seem more interested in their men, although they were polite. After this, I picked up a few say-nothing people carrying home groceries and a few Latin American tourists who fit the cliche of random, excited visitors to NYC.......
 
    After dropping off an Aussie couple on Avenue C I saw a very short person hailing me from the street. At first I thought it was a child but I looked closer and I saw that it was a midget, a Chinese midget at that. He was about 3-4 feet tall with a stout body and short arms. I could imagine he had trouble getting around the city. He came over and opened the door and we proceeded to Mott Street in Chinatown. We chitchatted a bit about the traffic. There seemed to be a jam around Chinatown and I wondered if there was not some event down there blocking streets. I never asked him about his disability but he seemed pretty smart and I could imagine it was tough dealing with being that short. He was one of the shortest midgets I'd ever seen....Next up were a series of boring fares which included a rude Asian guy practicing his golf swing in the street, a say nothing Asian couple getting off at 97^th and Lexington and an old middle-aged complainer type couple going to the UES...9PM turned to 10PM then 11PM and the city slowly got quieter just like it does every Sunday. I took two separate girls to Williamsburg. Immediately after dropping one of these off, I got an English girl going from Williamsburg to Eastern Parkway in Prospect Heights - a 20 min ride. This area is predominately Black and economically challenged. On the way back to Manhattan I got two black girls going from Dekalb close to Flatbush Avenue to some place in Bed Stuy. I had them direct me since I didn't have time to pull out my GPS device. Intra-Brooklyn trips can be a bit tricky for a cabbie who stays mostly in the city since you don’t really know which direction you are facing or going. This was about midnight or so. She paid me with a $50. although I usually try to avoid accepting large bills. Bed Stuy is not the safest area although its gentrifying just like other parts of the city.
 
    After 1AM, the city began to get slower and slower and more deserted and quieter. The only people left to pickup now were the club-goers in the meatpacking district and the only cabbies left to pick them up were the night owls like myself who frequented this area. Later on into the night about 2AM or 3AM I stopped for a well-dressed Hispanic male on about 21^st and 9^th Avenue in Chelsea almost the same spot I picked up the wallet guy earlier in the day. When I pulled over he continued to hail other cabs. At first I thought that maybe it was because something was wrong with my cab but then I got the impression it was because he was toast. My second guess was correct. He got in then he sat down and he wobbled a bit. He looked at me as if he were some robot from cloud 9 then he mumbled a bit. I knew this guy could turn out to be trouble since he was so tanked. Many times what you'll find is that drunk males can become paranoid or violent acting or refuse to pay. He wanted to go to Bay Ridge which is a hella long way away from Chelsea. As we proceed towards the Manhattan Bridge, I ask him how he's going to pay? He mumbles something about me being a bit worried. I was, yes. Then he pulls out his wallet and hands me his credit card and $30. Great, thanks I tell him. Monetary concerns alleviated. Acts of violence, not so much. Now I'm just worried about being stabbed. I proceed to drive down to the Manhattan Bridge and get on BQE West to Brooklyn. He mumbles some things and tells me some nonsense I presume to be about his life in an incoherent drivel. I don't care I just want to make some bank and then go pick up some club girls to close out the night. The highway was empty. We take Belt Parkway East and after about 3 miles exit and get off near 100^th Street near the Verrazano. This Latin zombie shakes my hand, gives me an extra $10 and I'm back on my way towards the city's west Side. I go up through the Battery Tunnel, where I then proceed to pick up a few more fares from Meat Packing. I ended the night by scoring a tranny-surprise type girl showing tons of cleavage, a WASPy young lady wearing a short dress and then finally, two French girls from Madagascar who were drop dead gorgeous. No play here though, just closing out my night and ending one another of craziest NYC taxi stories shifts.